Let's just be honest. I am a work in progress. I will always be a work in progress. I will always make sure I am constantly growing. Here's another realization I had today. They seem to be coming faster and faster now.
The Realization
If I am the cause, and reality is the effect — what am I being shown? There's something stuck in my subconscious about being prioritized. About having my needs met. About being seen as important. The old me would've drowned in sorrow. Would've reacted emotionally to what my reality was showing me. Felt victimized. Felt unseen. But here's what I did instead: I reverse engineered it.
The Feeling
How do I feel? I get frustrated when I don't feel important. Like a priority. When my needs don't get met, I feel angry, frustrated, and unseen. Wallowing in those feelings is a recipe for disaster. So I asked: What's the reversal?
The Mirror
I don't prioritize myself. I don't ask for the things I need or want. This brings me back to my post from the other day about staying small and not asking. I've often felt neglected. Lonely. Like — why does this only seem to happen to me? But here's the thing: this isn't victimization. These blog entries are meant to bring awareness and clarity. To be empowering. I am sitting here smiling right now because I understand it: If I don't prioritize myself, I won't be prioritized. It's that simple. It's so very simple.
Catching the Feeling
What does it feel like to be prioritized? To be important enough to be seen, valued, and loved? Here's how I catch the feeling: I think of the people I love the most. I hold them with gratitude in my heart. I feel that fullness — that warmth — that sureness that they matter to me. And as soon as my heart gets full enough — I switch the thought to me. This is how I would feel if I assumed the identity of someone who was prioritized, important, and loved. And I hold that feeling for as long as I can.
The Practice
As I walk through my day, I need to be aware of when I don't put my needs first. Even when it's uncomfortable. I need to move past the discomfort, breathe through it, and think of a time where I felt everything was working in my favor. Feeling peaceful and calm. The feeling of belonging. Noticing that every circumstance is working in my favor. Feeling the steadiness in knowing how important I am. Waking up thinking: 'What wonderful things will happen to me today?' Feeling loved, adored, cherished, and cared for.
Prioritizing Myself Is...
Not grand gestures. Not selfishness. Just this:
Asking for what I need without apologizing for it. My needs are not an inconvenience. They are valid. They deserve to be spoken.
Setting boundaries out of self-respect, not self-protection. There is a difference. One comes from fear, the other from love.
Resting when I'm tired — without guilt. The body asks. The body knows. Listening is an act of love.
Disagreeing with people and trusting they'll still love me. My voice does not cost me belonging. Not with the right people.
My value doesn't live outside of me — in people's reactions, compliments, or approval. It lives inside. It's a quiet knowing of my worthiness. This isn't ego. It's self-love.